Collect Em' All
A Fun Proposal
“I’m Kaitlyn with Channel 21 News and a Special Report. During this pandemic a fair question is spreading almost as fast: ‘should churches be deemed essential?’ Some not only insist but even perceive COVID as a spiritual test on their faithful ways! Others insist there’s a big difference between a church and a personal relationship with God? I’m joined by our town’s favorite kindergarten teacher. And her students has a fun proposal to overcome this whole issue?”
“That’s right Kaitlyn,” Janine begins. “Let’s open churches back up BUT…”
“ON ONE CONDITION,” the kindergartners say in harmony as the teacher finishes.
“Christians are NOT allowed back inside until they’ve read the whole Bible.”
“The entire Bible?”
“And how would churches enforce this new rule?”
“Let’s ask our ushers to perform Bible Trivia Seating. Suppose the seating section depends on which Question Level Christians choose from: Bible Lover, Scripture Reflex, or the VIP Section for Kingdom Seekers."
“And this is if they qualify to be seated at all?”
“Correct,” Janine replies. “To be clear, new visitors to our faith are always welcome with no testing! But long-time Christians are now required to prove more than their attendance. This new policy easily creates blessings both ways.”
“Really,” Kaitlyn replies. “How?”
“False prophets can’t manipulate Christians anymore! We could steal their sheep’s clothing to design our trivia questions and relate better to their lost sheep! This protects The Kingdom.”
“Also Christians will better rhyme their reflexes with scripture in real time! Biblical decisions block spiritual traffic and clear the pathway to perfect our faith in our individual journey much faster.”
“So you really would deny entry to a Christians who… couldn’t recite The Lord’s Prayer?”
“Yes,” Janine shocks. “Of course they are choosing the Question Level for entry.”
“Have you already ran the idea by our new Governor?”
“Separation of church and state,” Janine smiles. “Instead I’m asking all the churches of the world directly to participate. Me and my class are asking all Christian homes to join in this new idea. It’s literally Higher Learning! A church is a book club for The Good Book.”
New Law in Utopia
“I'm Kaitlyn with Channel 21 News, joined by Judge Mintall. He has proposed a new law in Utopia. You honor?"
"Thank you," Judge Mintall takes the microphone. "Here it is: all candidates for Supreme Court Judge must forfeit their political identity in its entirety. There can be no proof they are Republican or Democrat."
"What part are you asking the media to play?"
"None. Obviously 'we the people' are free to guess. But a consistent 'no comment' is required by any judge wishing to become and remain a candidate for the highest court in the land."
“I see,” Kaitlyn understands. “Just out of curiosity, Judge Mintall, how do you feel about Capital Punishment or a women’s right to choose?”
"Kaitlyn, this new law expands fairness, preserves a maverick move, and is a better host to all the facts in a hearing. Instead of justice split of 3-to-6 or even 5-to-4, let’s go All-4-One with “liberty and justice for all.”
"I see. Well good luck to you Judge... in more ways than one."
A Justice Riddle
Black Lives Matter or All Lives Matter?
"Kaitlyn with Channel 21 News," the news anchor says. "And I'm here with Tommy proposing a justice riddle to address the competition between 'Black Lives Matter' and 'All lives Matter.' Whenever you're ready sir.
"A month ago, me and a friend walked into a police station to file a restraining order against my ex-girlfriend. This was a story of annoyance, not danger. And as we recieving the forms, a woman ran inside in tears and pain evidence to stood behind us in line. My friend and I had the same reflex. We moved to the side and guestured her to please go ahead.
"So you gave up your place in line?" Kaitlyn clarifies "Was this a 'ladies first' reflex?"
"No," Tommy replies.
"Did you guys give her your spot because she was beautiful?"
"Did you ignore your seniority in line because she was a... white woman?"
"No! We yielded because... she clearly NEEDED justice more immediately than we did!"
Tommy takes the microphone, stares into the camera, and continues.
"If 'we the people' are committed to the common sense concept of priority, we must agree that 'Black Lives Matter' first right now. Only their statistics are running into precincts, ironically from the precinct's own policemen! When has a 'crazy Karen' pleaded "I can't breathe?"
Kaitlyn listens on.
"So you're suggesting that, while 'All Lives Matter,' priority will form a better line for equality and 'justice for all.'"
"Right. Just like that white woman's urgency, our civic reflex should yield to the idea that 'Black Lives Matter.'"
*This has been Channel 21 News*
Tommy was featured in the whodunit cozy mystery The Shotgun's Wedding and Karma's Collection
Kaitlyn Porter was the news anchor featured in the cozy mini-mystery Karma's Revenge series