The 10 Commandments of Online Dating
Protecting Hearts and Relationship Potential
1. Honor Thy "Expiration Date"
To avoid the trap of a Catfish, give that special someone homework due on a "specific date" in the near future (birthday is preferred): send picture proof. This way, you can enjoy the bond and have emotional insurance, simply by honoring the promised "expiration date" of this overdue experience.
2. Thou Shall Have No Other E-mails
Most scammers will immediately isolate you off the dating site and within their personal email so they can speak strategically to you to get money, inappropriate favors, steal data, ect. Because your heart is involved, and the extra privacy can be rationalized as romantic, this may be tempting. So make a decision beforehand to stick to this commandment for your heart's and time's sake.
Love and empathy are 2 different things. If you feel like a target of operant conditioning, where love seems like it's being held for ransom, move on. Both love and help need should require sincerity, rather than an inconvenient back story to put the courting process on hold until you alone come to the economic rescue. So no love banks, okay? Leave a loan alone.
4. Remember The "Special Data"
This is also a good icebreaker. Quiz your potential mate on your profile...from inside your profile. Then make their correct answer a "special data" password! This is the dating equivalent of "click here to prove you're not a spam robot." Doing this will expose those love imposters who copy & paste their fishy phishing introduction with some other unshy motive.
Your quick profile quiz instruction can be as simple as them answering "what was my last hobby listed in my profile?" Use it like a password first before their message to you. This way you'll know that any message that doesn't begin with "skydiving" for example isn't paying close enough attention. You'll know before they know!
5. Thou Shalt Not Take the Future in Vain
Many profiles have what I like to call "Penpal Profiles," meaning they're just looking for someone to talk to. They have absolutely no intention of dating or meeting up. But, in the most innocent of ways, they're wasting your heart's time. To avoid this, clear that field with "future language." Give them a "meetup password" for whenever they decide to ask you out or vise versa. And observe their reaction. The "future language" will test the serious level, while simultaneously confirming yours!
Go even further by giving them a "freestyle questionnaire" to complete in 60 seconds ranging from how they feel about kids, to their willingness to relocate, from political affiliations, to religious identity. And don't worry because real love is a longtime fan of the future.
6. Thou Shalt Not Entertain False Profiles
There's no way you should help someone manipulate your heart! Spotting a big inconsistency in what they've chosen to promote, it goes against the seniority that honesty itself should have in a relationship. This is dating profile; it's not employment! And the question becomes whether it's insecurity, dishonesty by choice, a narcissistic personality, or all of the above. This is love traffic to seriously consider.
7. Honor Thy Logic & Their Clues
Remember our detective's strategy: The Invisible Oops? You must sometimes create your own opportunity to see what's really in someone's heart to protect your own. So in their messages, search for the motive, look for the origin of any alleged misfortune which mysteriously high-jack your conversations. Ask yourself, "How did the conversation steer here?" Even print it out to examine. If all their messages produce more anxiety than the date that hasn't even happened yet, do what you must before allowing yourself to get too involved in a unprovable dilemma. Always remember:
"Wisdom will have Delilah's plan 'cut short' before it lacks the strength to" - Me
8. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery (Unknowingly)
In one online dating site, 60 percent of the profiles were already married. And it wasn't Ashley Madison. Skip the marital traffic, the unfair homewrecker reputation, and the camera crew of Cheaters storming your table with the funnier suggestion to make sure they're not married. Try searching for their Facebook relationship status. Or ask them directly, under the sincere premise that you're beginning to really like them.
9. Thou Shalt Not Trust (Initially)
It's always amazing to me how most people view trust as a checklist they'll just throw away for someone they love prematurely. Yet most religions support the idea of a higher power "testing them." In the Bible, Job was being tested by God. And God already like him! Add to the scripture that "God is love," and why is this process uneven between humans looking for love? Why is a even probation period for trust sometimes a deal-breaker? I'll tell you why. Desperation perceived, whether true or not, is a bargain to people who eventually aren't "worth" you! I'm talking about these poker-face, game-player, people who stay allergic to accountability by choice. They don't want a "trust test" because they know they'll fail. So they project their burden onto you, "trust me." Bad relationships start from free trust. Good things (including you) come to those who wait.
10. Thou Shalt Not Rush
Have a "Skype Date" first! Real love is a slow-motioned experience of the rhymes between 2 deserving people. So if your special someone is rushing this process, you might want to look for other clues of their sincerity. Have a scheduled cup of coffee from your laptop. There's the psychological benefit of your comfort level at home, you'll save money for the real date. And more importantly, you'll be just a click away from anything negative or inaccurate.
11.Thou Shall Look for "Puzzle Pieces"
This extra 11th Commandment is advanced and only available on the original blog entry. Click below to reveal. Enjoy yourselves. Stay safe. Love freely with The 10 Commandments of Online Dating.
Guess the Character?
This article is inspired by Eden, the shy bridesmaid in cozy mini-mystery: The Shotgun's Wedding by the same author.
11. Thou Shall Look for the "Puzzle Pieces"
Inside the riddle of the Starving Restaurant (in the book Narcissistic Puzzle Peace), you got the chance to explore the stages, phrases, and terms of emotional abuse. Click on extra riddle scenes to learn more specifically during the date. Enjoy yourselves. Stay safe. Love freely with The 10 Commandments of Online Dating.